Well, I'm not getting any younger.. This is a brutal circumstance of life. I am on the annoyingly pathetic track to dying a slacker, loser, underachiever, etc, what-have-you. I spend a great deal of time dreading this fate, but I find myself stuck in the same behavior patterns that keep me from doing anything.
When I was younger I had so many dreams of accomplishing various things to justify my existence, but alas, I have accomplished absolutely nothing. I have pissed away my days being consumed by meaningless activities or doing absolutely nothing. It's disgusting.
I have spent several years fulfilling my sensual desires with the wrong people, none of whom could relate to my yearnings for greatness or at least goodness. Just about everyone I meet is confused by my chronic self-loathing . They say I'm pretty and smart and funny, so I should be happy. Well, I may be those things but I feel useless.
And when I'm not feeling sorry for myself and not getting it on with a tasty man, I get obsessed with retarded games. Currently, I am playing Angry Birds morning noon and night. But before that I was playing Tetris, Bejeweled, Spider Solitaire, and Big Kahuna Reef. For two years I lived life through my Sim. I feel sick to my stomach to think about all of the time that I have wasted. I almost forgot, I would check my Facebook at least 2 times a day and notice a long lost friend or foe or ex and snoop through their profiles. I would also spend time posting pics and random thoughts.
I am proud to say that I have deleted my Facebook. Also, I have deleted my dating profile, which also took up a lot of my time. And once I conquer Angry Birds I will be done with it forever. I could be heading in the right direction...but perhaps this blog thing could turn into another giant waste of time. We shall see.
I found your blog by searching through the interests in search for substance-filled blogs. I have enjoyed reading from your perspective. And I must say that I can completely relate to this entire post. Honestly, what changed is that...well, I bored myself. I mean, do we really want to be wasting our time doing what is not productive for us? For our mind, heart and body? One gets tired, and perhaps you are feeling this too. Perhaps begin with other small changes to your routine? Take up yoga, or look into what your passionate about?
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Rose, you made my day! It is so nice to know that I am not alone in this. I've not much time to elaborate because I am at work and I am supposed to be working...to be continued..
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